A walk in the garden

Sometimes when we don't have the chance or an inkling to get out of the house, I take the girls on a tour of the garden, or yard for my American friends.  We take a few turns strolling and looking at trees and plants and birds.  There is always something to discover. 

Playdates are Wild!

This isn't about a meeting in the garden with the monkeys, but it could very well be.  Play dates, wherever you are in the world are a nice break for the mommies or daddies who would otherwise have to entertain the kiddies all day by herself or himself.  Friday and Monday are part of mid-term break for all schools in Barbados, which meant that in the midst of Virginie's gastrointestinal distress, I was to have Lily home to entertain for twelve hours by myself. 


Amanda with Sam and George, a young English family whose husband and father has been contracted for four years in Barbados with a big oil company, and Gabrielle with Kai, a Trinidadian mother with her Trini-Bajan-American son and another little one on the way, to the rescue.  Sam and Lily are classmates at Blossoms and will go on to St. Gabriel's together and George, Kai, and Virginie are Toddler Group buddies. 

Our play date began with some swinging outside, big wheel and trike riding and when meltdowns began, we went to the pool.  If we leave with nothing else from Barbados, I want the girls to learn to swim.  They have the chance to do so every day.  Sam and George are wonderful swimmers and Lily was happy to have them to frolic with in the water.  Virginie too sat in her floaty and relaxed while we waited for Gabrielle and Kai to get in the water after a later arrival.

Car sickness

Virginie and I have spent the past two nights sleeping in the guest room on a bed covered in old towels.  Still awaiting a prognosis, but our young miss has some sort of gastrointestinal issue which has caused her to christen most of the house with her undigested snacks and breastmilk.  The first night we just thought she ate something that didn't agree with her and cleaned her up and put her back to bed.  When she threw up all over the car on the way to Lily's school, we suspected it could be a little more serious.  Strangely, I feel so less secure when dealing with Virginie's ailments, any of our ailments really, here in Barbados. 

When living in the States, I would probably alert the pediatrician and give fluids while enduring the day or two of vomiting in some old sweats and tshirt, just offering sips of Pedialyte and cuddles.  But here, I have called the doctor for any little mishap or illness afraid that the cause is something we are just not familiar with or accustomed to.  In the case of the mangoes I think it was the right decision.  Some of the others, I am not so sure.  We love our doctor and at a moment's notice she will come to the house and check out the scene, charging no more that $50 US per visit.  But we joke we her at each visit that we just want to see her every week.  Maybe we should just start hanging out and save the $100BDS for each visit.

After a shot at the office, Virginie is now on a couple of medications to manage the flora in her intestines, eating crackers and Cheerios, and drinking coconut water, the occasional sip of Pedialyte, which I cannot believe is marketed to children with that horrendous taste, and nursing a little.  I am back to pumping to keep the milk up and giving lots of cuddles to both girls, as Lily now has a phantom sickness to contend with Virginie's real one. 

Show me those pearly whites

The teething process is soul killing.  And I am not just talking about for those little people.  I mean for the parents.  OK, right now I am talking about me.  I haven't gotten a night of sleep in months.  Rumor has it that there are some children who do not even notice those incisors and molars breaking through the gum line, but honey, my two girls are not two of those people.  Maybe those kids will pay their parents back with lots of body piercings in their teenage years exhibiting their incredibly high thresholds for pain.  But I am paying for it now. 

Virginie got the first two bottom teeth pretty early, and we heard about every movement of that journey through the gums.  As the rest of them have continued to surface, the shrieks and blood-curdling screams of pain all through the night have put us all on pins, but I go to her every night to soothe her and put her back to sleep.  Some nights I cuddle her until she goes back to sleep and pass out on my face on the floor, only to see her sharp toothed grin staring down at me at 5:30 the next morning.

I know this part is hard.  I remember it.  When Lily screamed her head off through the night, the neighbor knocked on the wall for weeks I suppose silently asking if I would just leave her outside so everyone in the building could get some sleep.  Here we have only the singing toads and each other to be concerned about and we love her enough to let her scream it out, to cuddle her, to sleep at her cribside, and wait for this too to pass.  I love those little teeth.  They really are cute.  They make the sweetest smiles.

Instant Karma

We try to take Lily to school every morning as a family.  We all get up and her lunch is made, breakfast is eaten and everyone gets dressed and we head out to school.  She is usually in her yellow uniform t-shirt (she and her papa share the color as their favorite).  I wanted her to have a sense of security and community before she heads to "big school" at St. Gabriel's in September, to see that her journey is as important as the rest of ours and that we always have time to support one another in our family.  I am not sure we can keep this up, but I want her to have the foundation so she always knows that we are all in her corner. 

We have a few favorite driving songs.  Currently we are in a Bob Marley and the Wailers groove.  As we pull out of the drive and close the gate, we start with Jammin' or Roots, Rock, Reggae.  She likes to sing them "all by herself" the first time and then Mommy is allowed to join in.  Papa plays drums on the steering wheel and Virginie bobs her head and laughs at all the singing.  For a few months we listened to INSTANT KARMA, the AMNESTY INTERNATIONAL campaign to save Darfur (www.instantkarma.org).  Lily was all about Instant Karma and Give Peace a Chance for months! 

It's not a long drive, but it gives us all a bit of time to just enjoy each other, to chat, talk about what we hope to do or accomplish that day, and acknowledge how important we are to one another.  When we leave Lily at school, we know that she got there feeling good about herself and that the wonderful teachers and students at Blossoms Nursery School will help her continue that sentiment.  She gets kisses from all of us and then she runs into the school to start her day.  Virginie gets her private time with Mommy and Papa on the way home and in that instant, life in Barbados is good.

Don't be scared, Mommy

Today was thrilling in its uneventfulness.  The morning monsoon segued way into afternoon showers, ending with a late afternoon of sun and cool breezes.  What a relief.  I spent the morning taking care of mommy work--answering emails, cleaning house a little bit, and trying to arrange for swimming lessons and playdates for Lily.

Lily loves the water.  She has a special swim suit that allows her to float without detachable floaties so she feels confident in the water, but she is a bit apprehensive about putting her head underwater.  She is terrified of what might be under there.  I know the feeling.

Monday Monday

Since Didier works on Saturday, he usually takes off Sundays and Mondays so we can have two days in a row together.  These two days are like an oasis in the desert for me, which will more than likely make my posts on those days look like Barbados is heaven and we are forever driving around stopping at little places to shop and sipping cocktails at the sea.  We do try to do something new and interesting at least one of the days off, but more than likely we hit our hot spots on the island--Super Centre (the grocery store), Price Smart (kind of like a Bajan Costco but not as much cool and crazy stuff), or Sheraton Centre. 

Today we hit Sheraton Centre (a kind of American style mall but with no anchor stores) for a hair relaxer for me and some ginger candies for Didier from the health food store and then returned home for a late breakfast and to put Virginie down for her nap.  We spent some much needed time together and continued to collect mangoes and make lime juice.  Doctor's advice be damned.  We didn't actually eat any of this stuff, but it is hard to see these things go to waste. 

I have been feeling bad about how little Didier gets to see the girls because of the demands of work, so we agreed to pick up Lily a little early from school, Blossoms Nursery School in Prior Park Terrace, St. James and take her to one of her favorite places for some French fries and chicken fingers.  We do sometimes live here like tourists, but the truth is, we ARE tourists.  Neither of us has been here more than 10 months and everything is still relatively new and exciting.  Even in the worst of times, it feels like an extended vacation and that I will one day return to where I come from and where I belong.  Anyway, I digress. 

Lily asked the other day why Papa wasn't staying in the guesthouse and I answered because he is your papa and my husband and he stays in the house with us.  To which she answered, "But he is a guest because he is always at work."  We didn't come here for this.  No one comes to paradise to deal with the same problems that city living and jockeying for attention and prestige bring.  That chord struck us both very hard and we are both determined to make this time for Lily and Virginie memorable for the right reasons.  We want them to always think fondly of their time living in the Caribbean in a beautiful house with so many opportunities and advantages we might not again be able to provide. 

Mullins Restaurant in St. Peter is definitely for tourists.  They ask when you call to make reservations where you are staying.  When we say we live here they are often surprised that we want to eat there!  The food isn't bad and the ambiance suits our needs at lunch time.  Quick, easy, catering to an American sensibility.  French fries are serviced with a lot here and the local fare is watered down.  Don't get us wrong.  We LOVE the local food we've had so far, but it doesn't sit well with the 3 1/2 year old undereater.

After our late lunch we went for a drive to see the cows again and to take in some views of the sea.  It is certainly daunting to consider that we are out here in the middle of nowhere and yet, the feeling is often the same as when I first moved to Manhattan.  I was in the middle of everything, but until I got my bearings, I thought I was all alone there.  I often feel in Barbados that I am all alone in the middle of nowhere.  I have less contact with my friends and family.  It is certainly hard for others to relate to someone living in paradise missing a two bedroom walk up apartment on the Upper West Side.  It has been hard to make it all work because my heart is still in New York, but the loves of my life are all here.

HELP! Ask and you shall receive

Growing up, I always believed that asking for help was a sign of failure.  Not sure what I "won" all those years having to do it ALL for myself.  But doing for yourself and suddenly having a huge house, two kids, and a husband to take care of in the sweltering tropics away from all your friends and family are dramatically different experiences.  I give!  I need help!  Thanks to the ladies of the West and South Coast Toddler Groups, of which I am a relatively active member, I have lots of suggestions for house cleaners and babysitters/nannies.  It is hard for me to give in and do this, in part because it is really FOR me that we need these things.  But let me tell you what, the choice is help with this stuff, or my getting committed to some institution here in Barbados and I can imagine that THAT is not pretty.  Will keep you posted on what we discover. 

I was able to provide the Romper Room atmosphere for the girls all day yesterday which put me in bed at 8:30 pm.  For those of you who remember me when...isn't THAT some kinda change?  Luckily we brought so many toys from home because this country is a killer for families!  Toys and games and strollers, etc. for kids are incredibly expensive.  It's downright criminal, especially given that they encourage the population to procreate and populate and make lots of little Bajans. 

Didier is home today which is always a massive change from our daily routine.  For one, Virginie is convinced she is a teenager and does not have to take a nap even after greeting me with the "hi hi hi's" this morning at 5:30 am.  We drive around and check out the island, looking for little secret places to love, or at least love once we have left here and I discover some nostalgia for this place.  Today we were on the South Coast picking up a child safety gate from an ex-pat returning to civilization.  She and her husband and son are going to Geneva.  I think I saw Didier actually salivate when they said where they were going.  Better brush up on that French, no?  Then we toured some new developments being built, kind of pre-fab style.  Everything looks the same, but they are cute, modest family homes.  Our final stop on the tour took us to Hillaby in St. Thomas, farm country, where we accidentally stumbled upon a field of gorgeous brown cows!  We got out to moo at them (we do have a 3 1/2 year old and 1 year old) and enjoy the lush green of the countryside.  It is nothing if not gorgeous here...and I always did love a cow.