Don't be scared, Mommy

Today was thrilling in its uneventfulness.  The morning monsoon segued way into afternoon showers, ending with a late afternoon of sun and cool breezes.  What a relief.  I spent the morning taking care of mommy work--answering emails, cleaning house a little bit, and trying to arrange for swimming lessons and playdates for Lily.

Lily loves the water.  She has a special swim suit that allows her to float without detachable floaties so she feels confident in the water, but she is a bit apprehensive about putting her head underwater.  She is terrified of what might be under there.  I know the feeling.

I am not afraid of the water, but Lily has seen fear in my eyes ever since we moved here.  The monkeys in the garden terrified me so much that I could see trees moving in the distance and tell the difference between movement caused by the breeze and the Wicked Witch's winged thugs.  When a group of monkeys heard the baby Virginie crying and came running to the house to take a look, I seriously believed my life flashed before my eyes as I shut the blinds in front of me and hoped they wouldn't dare pass through the burglar bars to get closer.  The swarms of mosquitoes, all carrying dengue fever as far as I knew, the toads the size of an NBA player's closed hand, lizards hiding in the curtains or on hanging mirrors, and the mongoose, seriously a MONGOOSE, all had me on the verge of a breakdown every day.  Rats running up the subway stairs, no problem.  Footsteps appearing to increase in speed on a foolish late night walk home, I would outrun them.  But this stuff?  How could I have prepared?

I was raised to be a bit fearful of the world around me.  We were not a take life by the reigns kind of group.  We always took care.  Take care.  Be careful.  Don't do that now, you don't know what might happen.  But this world is so exciting for Lily.  She's the girl Mowgli.  She loves the monkeys.  She wanted to play with them instantly.  The lizards are funny and she is fascinated by their changing colors.  She has never seen toads so big and she waits eagerly to see them open their mouths and eat some mosquitoes or flies.  Yech.  But isn't it all we want for our children that they embrace life and get excited by new things and go into the world with confidence and a sense of themselves and their place in the world?  How will the girls learn that if I am cowering?

So when the monkeys come trouncing through the garden I say, "Look girls!  The monkeys are coming for the mangoes again!"  We watch them until they wander to some other yard.  Tonight when a humongous toad looked like it wanted to hop inside and sit on the couch and have a cup of tea, I called them over to look at it catching mosquitoes.  And the next time we go swimming, hairstyle be damned, I am going to go under water so Lily doesn't think that I am afraid to get my hair wet and so she knows that whatever IS under there, Mommy will help her deal with it.

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