My tender-hearted girl

Lily has started feeling sick again on the way to school.  It is a bit different this time as she does not feel sick on the ride, but as we are getting closer to school, having already gone through Bridgetown.  When I ask her if she likes school and her classmates and her teachers and the activities, she says she loves them.  That is is supremely happy and her teacher, the gorgeous Mrs. Young, has confirmed that.  Lily is well-liked, friendly, kind, attentive, all of the qualities that make up a good student and a good classmate and friend.  I have been more gentle with her this time, as I know she is tender-hearted and that if something is bothering her enough to make her sick, she is letting it weigh on her little heart without having the words to express it.

This morning at the school drop off, I discovered our problem.  There is a young woman at school each morning who has been assigned to tend to the smaller children before the bell rings.  She looks after them, draws pictures with them, holds their hands and wipes their tears.  Her name is Miss Lucas and Lily loves and adores her.  This woman has made drop off not only easy, but pleasant.  Lily gets kisses and hugs from Mommy, Papa, and Virginie and then jumps into the waiting arms of a hip, young Bajan lady who lets Lily listen to her iPod and teaches her schoolyard songs and games.  Miss Lucas is loved by many and a group of older girls, read 6 year olds, has returned to her side each morning. 

At first I thought that Lily felt edged out, but the problem is more subtle.  This group of six year old girls has been fawning over Lily, petting her, trying to carry her, playing with her hair, in the morning and again at recess.  They have taken out the braids I have put in in the morning and brushed her hair to craziness and given her little trinkets of love and friendship and told her that they are her best friends.  She does not even know their names. 

Lily's safe place with Miss Lucas is now threatened.  At four and a 1/2 years old, she does not understand this kind of relationship.  Some of the girls are so in her face that she loses all of her personal space.  They are nearly cheek to cheek or mouth to cheek.  They touch her face, pet her like a doll, try to manipulate her position so they can be closer to her or hold her.  She does not have the courage to tell them to back off, nor does she have the language to express her concern about their adoration.  When she came running to me this morning complaining again of an upset stomach, she looked like a deer in headlights, completely terrified.  I will confess that I was not quite sure what the problem until I saw one of the girls trailing behind Lily, trying to grab her legs to lift her and carry her though she was already in motion!  When Lily sat down at a bench to draw, this little girl sat almost on top of her and tried to help her draw as though she were a baby.  I interceded and told her to give Lily some air, but the crazy mommy was about to come out.  Before I said something I knew I shouldn't, I went straight to Mrs. Young and gave her my impressions.  I thought it safer for all involved that I say no more to the little girl.  She is, after all, a little girl too, but my concern right now is for my child.  My child who is terrified and confused and freaked and I did not want to speak too harshly or aggressively during what is obviously a strange situation for all involved.

I was hoping I had a little more time to talk about the complexity of female relationships.  We do not talk about beauty or call people special because of how they look.  Lily, like most children her age, does not know that some people get more attention than others based on societal ideas about looks, beauty, charisma, charm, all that stuff.  All she knows is that it feels yuck and that she just wants to play with her friends.  Well I want her to play with her friends and be a regular little girl full of charm and charisma and beauty, without having to even think about it.

To be continued...


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