The order of things

I am the oldest child in my family having been born two years and one month before my sister, Sharyn, and five years and ten months before my brother, Jeff.  Expected on Valentine's Day, 1970, I came roaring in after New Year's Day to the shock and surprise of my parents and all their friends.  For years, I'd thought it was surely the champagne, but my mother swears by a medical condition.  Uh huh.  Whatever the case, I was their test doll and as a premature baby in 1970 left cooking in the incubator to get me up to snuff before being sent home, I can only imagine the terrors and freak outs with which I'd provided my young parents.

Lily was induced...and thank heavens for that.  The summer she was born was one of the hottest on record in New York City and the thought of commuting back and forth to the hospital for check ups after the 40 week due date because I was elderly (At least that's how it seemed when they kept referring to me as a "mature mother" because I was over 35.) was not appealing to my sweaty underboobs or swollen cankles.  Even with all that coaxing and pitossin, Lily still took her time and finally made her guest appearance with a piercing scream after nearly 22 hours of labor.  Joy.  Some of it brought on by the 1 1/2 epidurals it took to sustain my sanity.  Most brought on by my overwhelming sense of love.

I write all of this to say, that Lily, our first, takes her time.  It takes her a while to feel safe and comfortable.  Once she does, she opens up with so much warmth, love, and chatter, but she wants to be sure first.  At the 40 week mark in my pregnancy, I'd had very few contractions and was hardly dilated but Lily did keep kicking and twisting around.  Even now, she is a wild banshee close to home, but out in public, she bites her nails, whispers when she talks, gets a sly little smile when she knows she has done something well but doesn't want to brag.  She is shy and inquisitive and likes to figure things out for herself.  She comes home and regales us with stories about how other kids have behaved (badly) and how well-mannered and behaved she has been.  I love talking with her and hearing her views on the world.  And she definitely has a lot of views to share. 

Virginie is my brawler, shot caller.  One of my friends calls her "Roller Derby Girl" because she is such a bruiser, strong and sturdy.  Virginie barely gave me enough time to write my name on the admitting form at the hospital before she came barreling into the world.  My sanity was momentarily lost as, before I'd even had a chance to slip into that hospital gown, Virginie started terrorizing my body and had me dilated from three to ten centimeters in thirty minutes.  I screamed out, while cursing under my breath for Didier to stop trying to put some clothes on me, "Jesus Christ, our Lord and Saviour, PLEASE have mercy on us!"  Seriously.  No epidural, no gown, no clothes, no prep.  Just suddenly, Virginie, who looked at us first and then started her cry as if first assessing whether she had picked some good ones.

Now, she is only 17 months old, but Virginie is a force to be reckoned with.  Still.  She comes into a room and takes over.  Her personality, her energy, her sense of self is so strong.  She is chatty, like her sister, and demanding and daring.  Where Lily says, "I don't think I can do that," Virginie charges in and though she might bump her head or fall down, goes for it.  Many times I have walked into a room to find Virginie standing on top of a counter or chest of drawers waiting for me to help her down, laughing her face off and grinning from ear to ear.  She hugs and kisses all of us with abandon and says, "Hi, hi, hi, hi, hi" to whomever is within earshot.  Even in the grocery store.

Lily and Virginie often remind me of my sister and me.  Sharyn, though younger, has protected me and guided me sometimes when I was shy or insecure or just a plain old freak.  I understand Lily and see her fears and frustration sharing everything with Virginie who appears to be willing to take it all if she had the chance.  Lily loves Virginie, but often doesn't want to share with her unless she has decided on her own that she wants to include that little bugger.  Virginie, on the other hand, would follow Lily into the classroom and sit at Lily's feet if allowed.  She brings Lily her toys and toothbrush and juice and whatever else she knows is Lily's, driving Lily absolutely batty.   It will certainly be interesting, and I hope I am still using the word 'interesting' to describe this, to watch them grow and develop into friends.  Enemies.  Frenemies.  Sisters.

(c)  Copyright 2010.  City Mom in the Jungle.

Barbados Staycation

 Didier's two week vacation has come to an end and my feelings are all over the place.  These two weeks were meant to be spent showing his parents the island and allowing them time to be with the girls after not seeing them for about 2 years.  With the pregnancy and the relocation, and now a very difficult journey from Barbados to Le Pouliguen in Bretagne, we have not been able to see them as often as we'd like.  We'd managed a once a year visit at Christmas time for a while, but Didier's job now demands that he stay on the island to cater to the tourists who flood the island at that time.  That, is another entry all together. 

Didier's father, who is 80 years old, had an emergency gall bladder surgery a few months back and as they began to operate, discovered that he also had a very slow and shallow heartbeat, so a pacemaker was inserted to regulate his heartbeat.  Happy to report that he is improving daily and should soon be in relative good health for an eighty year old man who likes foie gras and Bearnaise sauce.  But the extreme heat and stress of travel prevented their visit and we were left with two weeks on island without our scheduled guests.  If Lily had not just been enrolled in school, we would have left immediately for anywhere-but-here.  Instead we planned for our staycation and hoped to spend time on the beaches, lunching at new spots, and trying to build relaxation into our daily program.

We were not off to a good start when Didier came down with dengue fever, followed by the girls hacking their lungs onto the floor with the first school cold of the year.  We had cleaning lady visits, landscaping teams to wait for, who never showed (no surprise there), and our usual household chores and tasks.  I don't think a staycation can really happen if you are still at your house.  Well, unless you abandon all responsibility and let your house go to pot.  There were afternoons in the pool and morning walks in Bridgetown after school drop off, but mostly, we just did what we always do, only with less urgency as we had time. 

Beautiful beaches aside, there is not much to do in Barbados if you live here, unless heading up to the Animal Flower Cave, checking out the waves on the east coast, shopping at Sheraton Mall turns you on all the time.  Choices are limited.  Throw in a toddling 17 month old who needs a nap in the middle of the day and time is severely limited.  I was happy to have Didier home, being with him is always more fun than being alone for long stretches, but my routine was also compromised.  With Didier at home, I wrote less, didn't exercise at all, and ate more.  Nice. 

Besides touring Bridgetown, we hit the Brighton Farmers' Market one Saturday morning with our friends Wendy and Chris and their little girls and found, not only fresh fruits and veggies, spices and seasonings, pies and quiches, but loads of ex-pats sitting around at tables having a chat about life in Barbados and a play area for the kiddies to go wild.  Didn't see too many locals, certainly not buying anything, as I have been told the locals know how to find the source, ie the farms, where the produce comes from and avoid special pricing reserved for the "visitors."  The market is still small compared to the Union Square Markets on Wednesdays and Saturdays in Manhattan, but the social aspect and feelings of good will were still there.  We had a good time and were happy to do something new. 

With some friends visiting from New York, we hit Accra/Rockley Beach, a family favorite, for one of Didier's only beach days.  Even though we were not there too long, everyone left happy and tan, if a little salty and sand-flecked.  We ate Chinese food for lunch, which we'd dared not do before and probably won't do again.  I'd forgotten how much MSG does not agree with me.  A thank you to the maker of Tums.

This past Saturday, Lily's school hosted its annual fundraiser, the St. Gabriel's Fair with the theme, Under the Sea.  There were mermaids, crabs, divers, all sorts of fish and coral reefs decorating the campus and rides, food, games, prizes, balloons.  This is apparently the biggest fair in Barbados, so add to that list, chaos.  We arrived early enough to explore without crowds, but with a heat that could hobble a camel.  But once the crowds came, it was every man for himself.  Heat, loud music, long queues twisting through the field, and a sea of people in all directions.  On arrival, we had Lily play all the games and get on all the rides so we could get them out of the way before the throngs of people arrived.  To have her face painted, we'd pre-paid to have Lily "fast-tracked" so as not to have to wait on line.  She was, surprise, a princess.  (More an Indian goddess to me, complete with a gorgeous purple bindi and pink lipstick, but whatever.)

In the middle of this staycay, Didier celebrated a birthday with little fanfare.  We rarely go crazy over birthdays for ourselves, this coming from the woman who had a 40th birthday party like some people celebrate their wedding.  It's usually a casual affair.  But yesterday, we'd booked a table at Mullins Restaurant with two of our favorite families here and ate and celebrated together.  After lunch, a song for Didier, and a quick dessert, we all retired to the beach for a late afternoon swim and castle-building.  Everyone was happy and I said to my love that while I didn't pick this place, and probably wouldn't have, that this day and this moment were among some of the best in our lives together.  Our staycation in Barbados ended with what everyone back home thinks we experience every day--sun, sea, sand, smiles, and love.  On this day it was true.

(c) Copyright 2010.   City Mom in the Jungle.