One of the things that has helped me the most during my time in Barbados, are the friends, and strangers even, who have been able to empathize with me, to support my experience and my feelings about it because they have envisioned themselves in my shoes. They did not explain to me how to make it work. Offer much more miserable situations to consider. Explain how I would be the envy of everyone I knew because I was living in the Caribbean and they were not. Ignore me. They listened and if they visited, they understood. I lost a few friends along the way because of this and I do not feel worse for it. It could be that they do not either.
Lily's teacher has told me that when Lily sees one of her classmates getting in trouble she feels so terribly for them. She can see it in her watery, brown eyes and in the glance of reassurance my four year old child gives her friend once the reprimand is over. She cares and she hurts for people and fictional characters, hence our inability to get through nearly all movies made for kids. Someone is always being left out or scorned or tested. Her poor little heart can't take it. She can feel their pain.
And that, for me, is one of the lessons of this holiday. Of course, the birth of Jesus and his resurrection are the cornerstones of Christian faith, Christmas and Easter being the main events, but there is more to get out of this story, if you look for it. The excitement surrounding the birth of a man who changed the world, touches me in my mother spot. The innocence, charm, and promise in the energy of a baby, a child gives me hope and makes me consider my own kids. The respect given to this small person before he was even able to make his name, his mark is what, I believe is due every human being. It is a celebration of our potential, of our promise. It was written that the child called Jesus would be the Son of God, but who knows what is written in the stars for each of us? It may not be biblical, but with love and nurturing there can be greatness.
It is so disappointing to me when, in the name of God or in spite of it, people lose their sense of empathy and consideration of other people. Especially children. We are all living our own experience and moments that may not register with some may shape someone else's entire life. This is why we must be impeccable with our word(Don Miguel Ruiz, Toltec Master, The Four Agreements). Be careful how we speak to each other. Think. Consider what words, side glances, and tone of voice can do to each other. Especially children. Empathize.
My Lily has this down already and for that I am thankful. But it also hurts to see her little heart break when she doesn't feel loved. When we went to the children's service on Christmas Eve, the real live baby portraying the baby Jesus was crying his little head off. Lily said, "I hear a baby crying. Why is he crying? I want to see him." And I could see in her little face, that she would not rest until she knew that baby Jesus was alright. Maybe we can all learn something here. Do not rest until we know that everyone is alright. While it is probably true that none of us will achieve the amazing heights of someone destined to be Light of Lights, Our Lord and Savior, a little compassion, love, and support just might give someone the confidence to reach for their own star and spare them years of self-doubt.
(c) Copyright 2010. City Mom in the Jungle.
