The cleaning team showed up late, no surprise there, and for some reason I give them full run of the place and had the girls out on the patio and in the garden while they took care of business in the house. It was nice to be out there and not too hot. I got a little too relaxed and then bam! Lily clocks Virginie on the swing when the little one walks in front of it trying to tell Lily something. Yay. Blood everywhere for the second time in a week. Virginie looked like a baby vampire, but it was all show. Five minutes later and she was smiling, no sign of trauma.
Because we'd been home all day waiting on the cleaning crew and then waiting on Virginie to nap, I'd promised Lily a trip into Holetown on the bus, blue or yellow, whichever came first. Of course, that really meant a trip in on the yellow bus, because it is the only one we ever see. Ok, not exactly true, but they seem to come at a disproportionate rate compared to the government sanctioned blue bus. Lily and Virginie sat on my lap as we careened through the narrow West Coast Road, also known as Highway 1, until I was sure we would be propelled through the windshield rather than make our actual stop. A small tour of the Super Centre yielded watermelon, bananas, and all the boxes Flavor-Ice push up popsicles available in the store. As Lily was so good on this journey, I bought her Dr. Seuss's There's a Wocket in My Pocket for some insane amount of money and then we made our journey back home. I made a little pasta and salad for Lily, some chicken franks and carrots for both and made mention to Lily that as a treat, tomorrow she would get to go to ArtSplash for the morning to do some art projects with her friend Eden and some other kids.
And the record skipped. I thought this would be awesome, but Lily burst into an explosion of tears and sniveling, freaking her face off and hysterically screaming that she was too scared to go and didn't want me to leave her. She loves Eden and she sure as hell loves making projects. I was just so shocked at her response that I was dumbfounded. At first, I got pissed. Inside, of course. Not because she didn't want to do what I suggested, but because I just could not understand what was going through her mind and I was tired and desperately in need of a break from the two of them. I am over this single parenting thing and wanted a minute, just one, to sit the heck down and not be thinking about what would make Lily or Virginie or Lily and Virginie happy and satisfied and on the road to becoming successful individuals because of all the attention and loved I'd showered on them.
Then I came to and found myself holding Lily in my arms and telling her how I would never leave her and would never ever send her somewhere that I did not feel safe or good about. That I hoped for her to have a wonderful time making art and learning with other kids and that I would be right there when she got home to hear about it and love her and acknowledge her. I called her what I always call her, "My number one girl, " which she corrected and told me that she was my "number 4 because she is 4" so then I called her that. I don't think this is resolved and we will see how it unfolds tomorrow morning. In fairness, Lily was so tired, she went to sleep before 7 pm and maybe the freak out was more about fatigue than craziness. Or shyness, really. Fear. My little girl is afraid. Again, I will help her through this. It's Tuesday.
(c) Copyright 2010. City Mom in the Jungle.
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