Sweetie's baby

We have seen, in the last few weeks, a kitten that resembles our dear Sweetie, long ago kidnapped by Barbados Pest Control.  He is small enough to be one of Sweetie's kittens and this makes me love him already.  I have been leaving a little food for him after each sighting, only to have it go untouched overnight.  I know there is another cat roaming the neighborhood that I do not particularly care for.  He has that wild, crazy look of an animal too long uncared for or domesticated.  He is on his own and he is, as they say, "crazy from the heat."  Even he has not found the food.

When we first arrived in Barbados, Sweetie and her sickly brother Salty, made their way to our home with a pack of feral kittens long abandoned somewhere on the island.  (There is a wild dog and cat problem on the island.)  Lily saw her first and introduced us to her as her new best friend "Sweetie."  This was when the house was unscreened and she and Salty were able to walk in at one point and leave from another.  As the weeks progressed, they began to trust us more and more.  My love for Sweetie and Salty and the rituals of waiting for them and feeding them and trying to get them to trust us enough to let us pet them made the day to day adjustments bearable.  When Salty took ill, even though he would not let us touch him, we tried to do everything we could to make him better.  He never made it and is now buried in our garden.   All our love was transferred to Sweetie.

Sweetie had to be less than a year old when she got pregnant by one of the neighborhood wild studs.  Secretly I hated them for not giving her the chance to grow up a little.  Yes, I know it's silly, but she was so young and trusting and we were trying to make her ours.  The night she had her kittens, she came to us and ate like a fiend and let me pet her for the first time.  She rubbed against me and demanded that I love her...and I did.  For weeks after having those kittens we waited for a viewing.  We wondered how she was able to spend so much time with us if she had mouths to feed.  There was talk that she had abandoned them and we forgave her because she was so young and would have the chance to have more kittens.  We hoped to bring her in and take her to the vet and have her treated and made ours.

But one morning, she didn't come to eat, which was strange, and didn't return that afternoon or that evening.  She didn't come by for a week and there were no sightings of her anywhere in the neighborhood.  In fact, I'd noticed, almost all the cats were gone.  I had seen none since the day Sweetie disappeared, save the big stud that I still cannot stand.  Our Sweetie was gone.  And with her, all my hopes for a pet for Lily and a friend for me.  I found joy in feeding her every day.  In waiting for her to come around that corner and rub against my leg.  She competed with Lily and Virginie for my affections and I loved her as I could...and then she was gone.

I have still not gotten over this loss.  It was the beginning of a series of losses here that, however big or small, tore at my heart and made me more vulnerable than I had allowed.  Lily saw me cry over Sweetie and she struggled to understand, but saw me, for once I think, as a person, not just her mommy.  I think of Sweetie and Salty during these nights without Didier because when he was gone, they used to keep me company once Lily and Virginie had gone to sleep.  They were my friends here when I had none.

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