Hot, crazy, tired

I am going to try to keep from writing every single day about the heat and the state of my diminishing brain capacity to the exhaustion caused by extreme temperatures.  But I must say today, it is boiling.  I know it is pretty hot all over the globe right now, but if you are not reading this from the Southeast Asia, the Middle East, the rainforest, or somewhere scorching with only fans and water to cool you down, save your weather reports, especially if you are in the United States.  Your beloved air conditioning, even if just in the grocery store, movie theater, or retail shop prevents you from going absolutely mental from the heat.  Crazy from the heat?  That is what I am talking about.

Add to it the mommy fatigue of nightly visits to the girls' room for nursing session, diaper changes, and a wake-and-take to the potty, followed by a 5:30 am wake up on a Sunday morning, a Sunday morning! and you have the confused, aimless, totally clueless shrew I have become.  I do dress it up nicely, insisting on getting up and putting on a dress, coiffing the hair, read putting up the ponytail or bun, and adding a little mascara to tired looking eyes, but don't be fooled.  I feel like I just spent the night with the Senior Girls during the overnight at Happy Time Day Camp without a shower, drenched in the sweatshirt I'd slept in on the open pavilion at night, and then had forgotten to take off during the day as the temperature climbed.  My body aches like it did then after a night of eating Doritos and too much candy and soda, no nutrients to motivate myself through the day but full from the junk.  Ugh.  I want to go back to sleep.

 But the truly a crazy ride, the day to day, staying-at-home with two little girls for hours on end as the "summer" winds down, has just begun.  Any mom with more than one knows what it's like to get tossed into the center ring and asked to juggle for the first time like a pro who went to the Circus Academy or clowning school.  I have to laugh at myself or I will surely cry.  I find myself completely unable to concentrate on what character just did the funny thing and which one is mean.  I laugh at all of them to Lily's dirty looks and scowls saying, "What kind of a person would laugh at the bad guy hitting someone?"  She's right.  What kind of person?  The tired lady sweating her face off on the floor.

Funny, once the morning's fatigue has worn off with either a cup of coffee or tea, I forget about it and get into the rhythm of our play.  Lily and Virginie are so smart, so entertaining, so engaging, that it is hard to hang on to my grudge about another sleepless night.  My grandfather used to tell us he would sleep when he was dead (and he lived to be 104) and at this rate I think the same is true for me too.  Being bone tired seems to be the general state of all mommies and I am no different. 

In a few weeks, Lily will start at primary school and I will miss her during the day.  I will miss the inquisition, the constant chatter, the questions I'd never considered, and the observations I'd never made or forgotten about.  Having small children is a young person's game.  A friend of mine recently said something to this effect, "Having children later in life either keeps you young or will send you to an early grave."  While my back and the bags under my eyes probably believe the latter, I think my soul feels revived and refreshed by these two characters.  I love them and they love me.  And even in this sticky heat that has us all, at times, lying down on the floor, I will relish their wet nose kisses and nuzzles.  In the future, sitting in a freezing cold air-conditioned room while the girls are making summer plans that certainly do not include their mother, I will miss this, all of it.

(c) Copyright 2010.  City Mom in the Jungle.